Sunday, October 24, 2010


I am just so over Luke and his crap that he gives me! It's excuse after excuse and I just can't take it anymore.  & then he says he doesn't want to talk to me when I'm mad and yelling but what am I suppose to do?!?!  I'm sorry but it's hard to keep calm when someone tells you they don't feel like they should give you money to help provide for your son if they don't ever get to see him!'s your son too and I didn't get pregnant by myself! besides the fact that I don't keep Nate away from him he could come anytime to see him......Okay yes I do yell and sometimes not let him see Nate if he comes at 8 or later but cmon, it's his bedtime and it riles him up not to mention that then he either goes to bed crying for daddy or wakes up wanting him!  I mean cmon am I being that difficult?!?!

Plus he says it hurts too much to see me and that's why he doesn't come around, which I find extremely hard to believe.  I mean you can't say you miss me and love me and want to be with me when almost every night you're with drew (your weird attached to the hip not sure if your dating him parnter) to the bar.  Plus if you cared that much wouldn't you want to send money to that person to make sure they're ok.  Not say o sorry you won't be able to make rent if I don't go to drill I'll give you money but if I do I can't spare because I need $500 for gas to drive to Virginia....sorry happy eviction!  ok maybe he didn't say the last past but it sure felt that way. 

Plus he called me a cold hearted bitch which doesn't really help his cause.  I mean just because I always seem angry on the phone doesnt mean it doesnt hurt to see you or talk to you!  I hold it in for Nate's sake (& let it out in my blog! lol!).  I hurt all the time and cry for most of it, but the thing that hurts the most is saying you love someone but then blowing them off almost every weekend when you said you were coming and then refuse to help me out and pretty much neglecting your son. 

Is it so wrong that I told him that he either needs to show up more or just disapear?  But either decision he needs to start giving me money?  I mean I don't think he understand how smart kids smart our kid is.  Nate doesn't know where he is or understand that but he knows his daddy is gone and he knows he misses him.  & thats what hurts the most, trying to tell a 2 year old that his daddy is bye bye or at work all the time and having him scream at me no!  & now every time Nate's hurt, or missing a toy, or I'm sad he asks or tells me daddy did it and then proceeds to yell at our door saying "NO DADDY DON'T DO THAT! BE NICE"  How can that not piss you off or hurt you when daddy doesn't seem to care.  I'm just so fed up with it all!

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