Monday, January 28, 2013


He's the man I trust with all my heart,
The one that I'll love forevermore.
He's the man I am always thinking of,
The one I've been searching for.

He's the man that keeps my head above water,
The one I can always count on day or night.
He's the man I call to make me smile,
The one I always dream about holding me tight.

He's the man that allowed me to fall in love again,
The one that I took a chance on.
He's the man I can always talk to,
The one that I count upon.

He's the man that means everything to me.
The one I always want to be with,
He's the man I want to feel next to me in bed,
The one I'm not afraid to love and say it's not a myth.

He's the man that knows all my flaws and still loves me anyway,
The one that inspires me to be happy no matter what.
He's the man that knows me inside and out,
The one that I gave my heart and soul to and went with my gut.

He's the man that has shown me the love I've been waiting to feel,
The one I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know.
He's the man that makes me feel like a princess,
The one that is not just a guy putting on a show.

He's the man that has been by my side since day one.
The one I daydream about,
He's the man that found me that November night.
The one that gave me reason to love again without doubt.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover

So lately I have been reading a lot to pass the time and overall just get out of my own head.  I've been having a hard time trying to figure out what to read recently because most of the books I've read were either recommended or similar in genre and said to be like the recommended ones that I loved.  Both plans played themselves out and so I went a few weeks without reading and couldn't stand it, so much so, that I started rereading ones I have.  This week I wanted to read something new and had no idea what, so I went to the library and ended up looking at each cover, reading the title, and sometimes reading the summary on the back to pick.  One book I grabbed was called Thou Shalt Not Road Trip by Anthony John.  It had a map on the cover with random pictures surrounding the boarder.  I didn't even bother to read the summary, I just thought it looked like it would be interesting and thought, what heck.  Ultimately I judged this book by the cover, and while I wasn't wrong because it was an amazing book, its also laughable because one of the deeper meanings I got from the book was...DON'T JUDGE A BOOK BY THE COVER...figuratively speaking at least, I fell very heavily on the main character learning not to judge by looks but that it's what's on the inside that counts.

The basic background for the book is...

It takes us on a book tour with Luke Dorsey who has just written one of the most recent top selling Christian books - "Hallelujah." Due to a conflict in schedules with Luke's publisher, Luke's brother Matt is put in charge of making sure Luke completes his book tour from LA to St. Louis. What Luke doesn't realize is that Matt has invited two other traveling companions to join them - his girlfriend and her sister (who is in the midst of a classic teenage rebellion - piercings taking up both ears, lined tattoos all over her arms, and purple hair...and who used to be Luke's high school crush - this was before her transformation, she use to have gorgeous brown hair and the stereotypical Christian girl dress). Instead of taking interstate highways to each tour stop, Matt is determined to get from place to place on the Historic Route 66.  Luke's strong faith is challenged during his Route 66 trip as his friends, family and fans help him reexamine his positions on just about everything.

I personally couldn't put this book down.  It had drama and love interest/conflict but what I loved most was the faith.  In the book hundreds of people go to his book signings because they were so inspired by his words.  In an interview before the tour Luke told the world that it was a book of truth - NOT TRUE.  Throughout the tour Luke lies multiple times and digs himself deeper as it goes until at his second to last signing on the tour everything blows up in his face and he loses his best friend once again by denying that he even knows her.  Needless to say he's caught on that one too because by the next day pictures are published of them making out the night before and while thats all it was it looks like more.  Obviously his fans had turned and no one in their right mind would go to the last signing, but he does.  He fesses up to everything and admits that he's okay if they hate him and won't forgive him but that all he cares about is if the people he hurt personally and loves forgive him.  In the end most of the crowd didn't change their minds and still spouted words of disgust and while his ex crush/ex best friend/girlfriend turned ex girlfriend forgave him she made him settle for just friends in the end.  I'm sure some were mad that it wasn't a complete happily ever after but I loved it, it was REAL.  

I ended up looking at some reviews people wrote and one in particular caught my eye...

Must I give this book a rating? I couldn’t put it down. I can’t explain why, but trust me, that doesn’t mean this is a good book. Quite the opposite, I hate this book passionately.
Every single character was a terrible person.
Luke, the narrator was hypercritical, selfish, and annoying the entire time. His manner of speaking reflected much more closely what I’d expect from a middleschooler than the highschooler he was supposed to me. There’s a general lack of maturity and common sense on his part............

There is much more to the review but it's far to long to subject yall to that.  To be honest I don't disagree with much that this person wrote.  While reading the book I pretty much hated every character, but the end of the story is what made it all worth reading to me.   I could have cared less about the fact that Luke and the girl stayed friends in the end, I care more about the message it all sent because I think it's a lot like life.

Being a Christian doesn't mean you have to dress in church clothes all the time or even at all.  That's one thing I loved about my church in Texas, you could wear jeans and sensible clothes and cowboy boots and not feel judged.  Being a Christian also doesn't mean your perfect.  The people at the signings thought Luke was perfect but he wasn't, he was a self absorb lying jerk for the majority of it.  I think even the reader above expected Luke at least to be more "Christian" but truth is no one is perfect.  People lie, people can mean, people can be self absorbed, but I don't think that should make you a horrible Christian. It may not make sense, and yes I believe myself as a Christian that one should strive to be better and do our best to not lie and give kindness to everyone, but if we were all perfect, WHY would need God?  Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins, obviously someone knew we wouldn't be perfect!!!!!!!!  I'm not saying you should go around sinning right and left and then pray for forgiveness and start again the next day.  I think we should always try to learn from our sins and strive to be a better person, but sin happens, we all sin sometimes, I've sinned at times and I don't think that makes me a horrible person or un-Christian, it makes me human.  I've made mistakes and I own that because I learn from them.

I think this book hit me so much because it wasn't filled with lovable characters or that perfect image of a Christian that some people think of.  It was raw and real and more like they way I feel life is.  I mean even the love interest part in it hit me hard.  Luke had a crush on her for years and when she changes her hair color and gets piercings he just turns away like he doesn't know can't tell me that's not real life.  People today take one look at a person and judge immediately, ironically in the book Luke was her best friend and did it even though he already knew what a kind Christian girl she was on the inside.  Eventually he gets past it and they are together for a whole 24 hours before he blows it because in public he denies knowing her, but I feel like it was still a point made.  In todays world looks matter.  If you say they don't you're in denial.  I mean I have a bunch of tattoos that mean so much to me personally but as a nurse I can't let any show because it's been deemed unprofessional.  When I was a lifeguard I had a kid ask me if my tattoo on my back (which shows my honor to the military and a reminder to myself of my service) was a devil worshiping tattoo.  I more or less just laughed at the comment and I could care less what others think of me and my tattoos but the point is in that moment I was judged and I think the world needs to take a good look at all the stereotypes and labels put out and realize that they are just that and that we need to get to know people first before we label.....

In other words......IF YOU DONT KNOW ME, DON'T JUDGE ME!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


I found this place.
It’s peaceful.
The sky is motionless,
filled with soft colors
oranges, pinks, and purples.
It envelopes around me,
Bringing calm into my soul.
This world doesn’t KNOW...
Doesn’t know pain or anger.
Has NEVER heard cries of terror,
NEVER felt the stinging of tears
running down reddened cheeks,
NEVER seen the sorrows
the real world brings.
This place is familiar,
yet has waves of ever changing un-familiarness.
It washes over me.
Gives me NEW life.
NEW meaning.
Whispered words float by
grazing my ear,
sinking deep inside me.
Giving every word MORE meaning.
Meaning that before now
I NEVER understood.
This place makes me feel
light and warm.
I am SAFE.
Nothing can harm me here.
There is NO danger.
NO expectations.
NO disappointment.
My hands glide effortlessly,
left to right.
They cant move fast enough,
but at the same time
the faster they go
the less time I have here.
My time here always seems brief.
I try to hold on,
to NEVER let go.
I DON’T want to return.
To go back to that other world.
The WORLD thats full of hatred.
The WORLD that doesn’t understand me.
The WORLD where I feel alone.
This place is better.
It understands me,
brings me serenity.
Here I can be ME
WITHOUT judgement.
I let the stillness wash over me.
Until the words stop
and the sky starts to drip
droplets of orange, pink and puple.
Smearing like a wet painting
melting into a puddle around me.
That’s when the FEAR hits me.
Like being thrown into ice water.
as water rises around me.
I don’t want to leave yet.
The water gets higher.
I gasp for air,
thrash around in the water
HOPE that it wont get me.
But it ALWAYS does
and this time is NO exception.
BLACKNESS rises from the bottom.
Grabbing my legs and pulling hard.
It wraps around me,
pulling me deeper,
INVADING my body.
It’s a REMINDER...
Not fully,
the darkness ALWAYS finds a way.
Suddenly its OVER.
I’m back.
once again, just a girl
just a girl sitting on her bed
with a finished book in hand.
Yearning for another.
Because another book,
means another chance
for an ESCAPE.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


“Enough already with the stuff that doesn’t enhance who you really are.”

~ Oprah Winfrey

Enough already!
Enough already with looking in the mirror and not loving what you see.
Enough already with living in excess, filling your house, life and body with things that won’t ever bring you happiness or give you the love that you can only find within yourself.
Enough already with the labeling, judging and hating of those who you choose to see as ‘different’.
Enough already with bringing others down because you are afraid that their success will make you feel inferior.
Enough already with blaming your weight, your age, your spouse, your friends, your children, your boss, your parents, the service at the supermarket, the line at the post office, the younger generation, the price of petrol, the state of the world. Do something about it.
Enough already with not seeing beauty in everything.
Enough already with not letting your intuition guide you.
Enough already with not laughing hysterically every single day.
Enough already with letting the media dictate how you feel about yourself.
Enough already with thinking that there’s nothing you can do.
Enough already with not following your heart and living the life that you deserve.
Enough already with lying to yourself, denying who you are, and ignoring the screams of your soul.
Enough already with feeling inferior.
Enough already with standing by and doing nothing as children starve, women are raped, men are killed, animals are tortured, and the earth is poisoned.
Enough already with letting one small thing ruin your whole day.
Enough already with being afraid.
Enough already with the hate.
Enough already with thinking that there is any living creature on this earth that doesn’t deserve to feel love.
Enough already with looking outside for all the answers that can only be found within you.
Enough already with the excuses.
Enough already with using the number on the scale as a measure of self-worth.
Enough already with taking our anger and insecurities out on others.
Enough already with thinking that you aren’t enough.
Enough already with trying to deny that we are all connected.
Enough already with thinking that you don’t deserve a life full of love, passion, purpose, and happiness.
Enough already with judging your worth by what others think of you.
Enough already with being ashamed of your imperfections.
Enough already with letting other people have power over you.
Enough already with hiding who you really are.
Enough already with not dancing like nobody’s watching.
Enough already with trying to fit in.
Enough already with seeing vulnerability as a weakness.
Enough already with dumbing yourself down or creating drama to get attention from others.
Enough already with the drama.
Enough already with thinking life’s not fair.
Enough already with focusing on the colour of the skin instead of on the heart within.
Enough already with staying in your comfort zone.
Enough already with the inequality.
Enough already with thinking your way is the only way.
Enough already with punishing yourself.
Enough already with the inaction.
Enough already with thinking that who you love is more important than the love itself.
Enough already with avoiding doing the things that scare you.
Enough already with giving up when it gets tough.
Enough already with not accepting others for who they are.
Enough already with seeing obstacles as failures.
Enough already with thinking that the past equals your future.
Enough already with needing to be right all the time.
Enough already with not learning from our past.
Enough already with the regrets.
Enough already with thinking it’s too late.
Enough already with the guilt.
Enough already with being a victim.
Enough already with the blame.
Enough already with the revenge.
Enough already with thinking you don’t have anything to be thankful for.
Enough already with condemning others for following their hearts.
Enough already with not showing kindness to everyone you meet.
Enough already with being anything but yourself.
Enough already with the denial.
Enough already with not taking care of yourself.
Enough already with waiting for somebody else to do it.
Enough already with not seeing how amazing you are.
Enough already with living with a closed mind and heart.
Enough already with resisting change.
Enough already with spending your time with people who bring you down.
Enough already with sending hate and negativity out into the world.
Enough already with forgetting that everyone in this world just wants to be happy.
Enough already with thinking you aren’t powerful.
Enough already with thinking that you don’t have anything to offer the world.
Enough already with settling for less than you deserve.
Enough already with letting your daughter learn how to hate herself by watching you hate yourself.
Enough already with letting your son think showing his emotions makes him weak and showing violence makes him tough.
Enough already with thinking that what’s popular is always right.
Enough already with thinking we can survive while the earth dies.
Enough already with believing everything we are told.
Enough already with thinking it’s not our problem.
Enough already with not using our lives to make this world a better place.
Enough already with thinking it can’t be done.
Enough already with thinking that you can’t change the world.
Enough already with thinking that you don’t have a beautiful smile.
Enough already with hiding that smile from the world.
Enough already with forgetting that everyone is doing the best that they can.
Enough already with denying that your thoughts create your world.
Enough already with not doing the things that make you happy.

Enough already with hiding the Goddess that you really are.
Enough already with spending your life worrying about things that never happen.
Enough already with associating ‘different’ with ‘wrong’.
Enough already with ignoring your divinity.
Enough already with the oppression.
Enough already with the ignorance.
Enough already with using fear to control others.
Enough already with not seeing that it’s always the children who suffer the most.
Enough already with wishing for world peace but not creating it within yourself.
Enough already with rejecting something just because you don’t understand it.
Enough already with thinking that you can’t choose happiness.
Enough already with forgetting that everyone is somebody’s son, daughter, brother, sister, father, mother or friend.
Enough already with not learning from your mistakes.
Enough already with trying to be perfect.
Enough already with forgetting how blessed you are.
Enough already with the excess.
Enough already with not smiling at yourself in the mirror.
Enough already with following the paths of others instead of creating your own.
Enough already with trying to do everything at once.
Enough already with not living in the moment.
Enough already with thinking you can truly love others without truly loving yourself.
Enough already with the ego.
Enough already with not seeing the lesson in every experience.
Enough already with not showing gratitude.
Enough already with not seeing your own awesomeness.

You have everything you need within you. Take hold of your power and choose to live the life you deserve.

Enough already with everything else.