Saturday, November 13, 2010
I am not naive enough to think that movies and television shows have all the answers. But I do believe they can guide you and one thing I have learned from them is how important faith is.
I think in today's world faith is hard to have. It's hard to understand. I mean how can you believe in something you can't see or prove? Or more than that how can you walk in obedience and not blame faith when you fail?
Blame is not fun, and most people rarely take the blame. It's always easier to blame someone else. And when a loved one hurts you, you blame what you can't see. We want to believe that those we care about wouldn't hurt us. So it's easier to place blame on someone we can't see, hear, or feel.
I did it. I still do sometimes. I question it all. Why would he let such horrible things happen if he was that powerful? Or maybe he just doesn't care about me. The truth though, is we are all human. We make mistakes, we screw up, and at the end of the day we will find ourselves bowing our heads or outside looking up at the sky asking why, asking for forgiveness, asking for help.
Majority of the time we rely on faith when we are in need. But I think the truth is we are always in need. We just are usually too stubborn to ask for it or sometimes even to see it. You can't turn faith on and off and I think that's the problem. Whenever I struggle is usually when I look up and scream, cry, or talk to the sky. When my life is good I sometimes abandon it.
I find myself asking questions like if I just believed more, if things would be better? If I was obedient in faith would my marriage have still ended?
I've learned that faith isn't about the questions. Questions are just distractions, almost like temptation, its something that drags us away from what we believe, makes us question it more every time there isn't an answer. The key is to just believe and let it all go. To trust that you made the right decision in your beliefs. Life is hard and that won't change, but I think if you truly believe, if you actually live your life in obedience that it will truly make a difference.
If you look at life, at marriage, you can't understand either until you have faith. Marriage is about unconditional love right....well how can you have that without faith. Without faith I don't think anyone can understand the true meaning of unconditional love, without feeling it, how it's suppose to be.
How can you give yourself fully to someone, if you haven't done that through faith? If you don't know who you are, if you can't find yourself through faith I don't think you can love...at least not unconditionally.
My only regret is probably not finding this clarity sooner. I wonder what it could have changed in my life? I guess I was always just too stubborn to hear any of it. But when I felt like I hit rock bottom I realized that even when I feel alone I'm not, because like I said earlier faith never leaves. I think we all just need to learn how to open up and trust more because God never gives up on us. Even at our lowest points I've found that there is always a reason even when we don't understand it...because he truly never gives up on us.